Eliza, I am sure that we all can relate but this post comes at a point in the program when I am feeling the SAME! I slept in this morning until 6:30am by accident and was not prepared for any of my classes all day. I had a small mental break down on Monday and while I have a lot of work coming in the next few weeks there was no paper due at midnight, I was not teaching the next day. The only explanation I can find for myself is that I am just fully overwhelmed by all of the expectations of the program, of being a teacher, and that I have for myself. Today I was reminiscing on the wonderful year I had last year teaching skiing and how while I worked hard and had a stressful job I had time to paint my nails, go for a hike, and even sneak on the mountain on my days off. I feel like I never have time for myself now and when I do all I want to do is sleep. Someone said something to me this week that really helped me and that is you are not alone and although it did not solve my problems it helped me feel like I was not bad at time management. This is just a difficult role that we are playing right now. I know this does not solve your problems but when you are feeling overwhelmed just remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I hope that helps a little. Your post helped me!
I also appreciate that you took time away from your computer to write this post. I am not sure if that was intentional or not but I really enjoyed reading this it felt like a hand written note just to me.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE either!! Thanks for your story, I think it's important for us to see a glimpse of one another as we know ourselves - pre-Mac. Regarding the handwritten nature of this post, I needed a break from the screen, I just couldn't do it anymore. One of the things I looked forward to in leaving my old job was not having to be in front of the screen so much but the joke is on me!!!
ELIZA Even though I read this on a screen, there was something calming about the fact that it was hand-written on notebook paper. It made my heart and brain happy at the same time. So many days I go to sleep and feel weird shutting my eyes. Like the bright light from my computer and my phone won't even go away when I shut off my sight to the world. It's an odd feeling.
Another odd feeling.... I used to set a goal every Tuesday and Thursday -- mostly because my teacher journal thing I fill out told me to. After about seven consecutive "better time management skills!" comments, I stopped setting that goal. I simply admitted to myself that I was managing my time as best as leah-humanly possible at that moment. Sometimes my body wants to sleep an hour later than my brain wanted it to, okay. Sometimes watching the latest Grey's Anatomy is more important than reading an 150 page document that won't be discussed in class, okay. The guilt stays, but it lessens when I realize that I am doing MY best. MY best might not be THE best, but its my best for right here, for right now. In my opinion, that's all that anyone can do. And just so you know - I think you, too, are doing YOUR best. :)
I love every thing you have to say here, Leah. Thank you!!! I may wish sometimes that my best was better but, honestly, I'm not doing that bad of a job, am I? Love you!
I decided to come read your blog for my last comment requirement of the semester. There are rumors floating around the MACers about how amazing, creative, and interesting your blog is. I was not surprised that the rumors are true :) I have enjoyed reading over your blogs but I especially enjoyed this one. I totally feel ya and it was so, so nice to read that I am not the only one facing this struggle! I have resorted to Dr. Bain's method of "reading" assigned articles for class. Skim, skim, skim, and look at the headings :) I must say it really does work and I am able to get what I need out of the article. Also, considering he is like a legend on campus, I do not feel bad about not reading every single word because HE told me not to!
I wish we had more time to sit around and share how we are feeling with one another. I know a lot of us could benefit from hearing from others and hearing how people have found ways to juggle it all. I wish I had an answer for you but all I can say is- keep doing what you are doing and next year at this time we will be teaching in our OWN classes and managing our time how WE see fit, reading what WE want to read, and planning what WE want to teach! I cannot wait! :):)
What a lovely post, your kind words mean SO much to me!
Someday, when we have jobs with our own classes, we will have a reunion and see the "real" us. I just really want us all to be together when that happens, I'm developing an unhealthy co-dependence with you all!! ;)
Truth. There once was a time and perhaps that time will come again. For now, we've all made that proverbial bed. Ultimately, I agree with you that this was the right decision, though even it it wasn't, it's not a bad one.
Right now, I'm feeling assignment after assignment after assignment and even with an awesome mentor teacher, the classroom is still not mine. I sometimes feel like I'm on borrowed time in borrowed space. I hope and expect that when the fall comes 'round, we will rediscover our sense of self in our classrooms. Soon...very soon...
Are you trying to make me jealous over your elegant, smooth handwriting? Because it's working.
I keep thinking this program will help me develop time management skills out of necessity, but so far, not so much. Though I have been reminded about what a great destresser playing Pokemon was in high school (it's also a good time waster). By the time the weekend comes around and I have time to breathe, take a step back, and figure out what I need to get done, I'm so burned out that I can't accomplish anything.
My mentor teacher and I have been talking about similar issues in the classroom. She has more students than ever before and a packed class schedule. We've been talking about how when it gets like you have to take a step back and look how you're running your classes (and that all those studies that say class size doesn't impact learning have to be bunk). We're looking at how we can reduce the work that we have to take home at the end of the day and reduce the time it takes to grade.
Unfortunately, the possible solutions we've been talking about don't really help for the Mac program, but at least we can control things more when we are in our own classroom.
We're just going to have to take care of each other!
You bring up some excellent points, 1) there will be different hurdles to jump when we're out in the word, and 2) weekends exist (thank you, labor unions!) and we will be able to experience part of them again someday.
Eliza, I am sure that we all can relate but this post comes at a point in the program when I am feeling the SAME! I slept in this morning until 6:30am by accident and was not prepared for any of my classes all day. I had a small mental break down on Monday and while I have a lot of work coming in the next few weeks there was no paper due at midnight, I was not teaching the next day. The only explanation I can find for myself is that I am just fully overwhelmed by all of the expectations of the program, of being a teacher, and that I have for myself. Today I was reminiscing on the wonderful year I had last year teaching skiing and how while I worked hard and had a stressful job I had time to paint my nails, go for a hike, and even sneak on the mountain on my days off. I feel like I never have time for myself now and when I do all I want to do is sleep. Someone said something to me this week that really helped me and that is you are not alone and although it did not solve my problems it helped me feel like I was not bad at time management. This is just a difficult role that we are playing right now. I know this does not solve your problems but when you are feeling overwhelmed just remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I hope that helps a little. Your post helped me!
ReplyDeleteI also appreciate that you took time away from your computer to write this post. I am not sure if that was intentional or not but I really enjoyed reading this it felt like a hand written note just to me.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE either!! Thanks for your story, I think it's important for us to see a glimpse of one another as we know ourselves - pre-Mac. Regarding the handwritten nature of this post, I needed a break from the screen, I just couldn't do it anymore. One of the things I looked forward to in leaving my old job was not having to be in front of the screen so much but the joke is on me!!!
ReplyDeleteELIZA
ReplyDeleteEven though I read this on a screen, there was something calming about the fact that it was hand-written on notebook paper. It made my heart and brain happy at the same time. So many days I go to sleep and feel weird shutting my eyes. Like the bright light from my computer and my phone won't even go away when I shut off my sight to the world. It's an odd feeling.
Another odd feeling.... I used to set a goal every Tuesday and Thursday -- mostly because my teacher journal thing I fill out told me to. After about seven consecutive "better time management skills!" comments, I stopped setting that goal. I simply admitted to myself that I was managing my time as best as leah-humanly possible at that moment. Sometimes my body wants to sleep an hour later than my brain wanted it to, okay. Sometimes watching the latest Grey's Anatomy is more important than reading an 150 page document that won't be discussed in class, okay. The guilt stays, but it lessens when I realize that I am doing MY best. MY best might not be THE best, but its my best for right here, for right now. In my opinion, that's all that anyone can do. And just so you know - I think you, too, are doing YOUR best. :)
I love every thing you have to say here, Leah. Thank you!!! I may wish sometimes that my best was better but, honestly, I'm not doing that bad of a job, am I? Love you!
ReplyDeleteEliza-
ReplyDeleteI decided to come read your blog for my last comment requirement of the semester. There are rumors floating around the MACers about how amazing, creative, and interesting your blog is. I was not surprised that the rumors are true :) I have enjoyed reading over your blogs but I especially enjoyed this one. I totally feel ya and it was so, so nice to read that I am not the only one facing this struggle! I have resorted to Dr. Bain's method of "reading" assigned articles for class. Skim, skim, skim, and look at the headings :) I must say it really does work and I am able to get what I need out of the article. Also, considering he is like a legend on campus, I do not feel bad about not reading every single word because HE told me not to!
I wish we had more time to sit around and share how we are feeling with one another. I know a lot of us could benefit from hearing from others and hearing how people have found ways to juggle it all. I wish I had an answer for you but all I can say is- keep doing what you are doing and next year at this time we will be teaching in our OWN classes and managing our time how WE see fit, reading what WE want to read, and planning what WE want to teach! I cannot wait! :):)
What a lovely post, your kind words mean SO much to me!
DeleteSomeday, when we have jobs with our own classes, we will have a reunion and see the "real" us. I just really want us all to be together when that happens, I'm developing an unhealthy co-dependence with you all!! ;)
Truth. There once was a time and perhaps that time will come again. For now, we've all made that proverbial bed. Ultimately, I agree with you that this was the right decision, though even it it wasn't, it's not a bad one.
ReplyDeleteRight now, I'm feeling assignment after assignment after assignment and even with an awesome mentor teacher, the classroom is still not mine. I sometimes feel like I'm on borrowed time in borrowed space. I hope and expect that when the fall comes 'round, we will rediscover our sense of self in our classrooms. Soon...very soon...
Word.
DeleteAre you trying to make me jealous over your elegant, smooth handwriting? Because it's working.
ReplyDeleteI keep thinking this program will help me develop time management skills out of necessity, but so far, not so much. Though I have been reminded about what a great destresser playing Pokemon was in high school (it's also a good time waster). By the time the weekend comes around and I have time to breathe, take a step back, and figure out what I need to get done, I'm so burned out that I can't accomplish anything.
My mentor teacher and I have been talking about similar issues in the classroom. She has more students than ever before and a packed class schedule. We've been talking about how when it gets like you have to take a step back and look how you're running your classes (and that all those studies that say class size doesn't impact learning have to be bunk). We're looking at how we can reduce the work that we have to take home at the end of the day and reduce the time it takes to grade.
Unfortunately, the possible solutions we've been talking about don't really help for the Mac program, but at least we can control things more when we are in our own classroom.
We're just going to have to take care of each other!
You bring up some excellent points, 1) there will be different hurdles to jump when we're out in the word, and 2) weekends exist (thank you, labor unions!) and we will be able to experience part of them again someday.
Delete